The Onion debuts the advice column to end all...
Ask The Stage Directions To Tennessee Williams' Cat On A Hot Tin Roof
Dear Stage Directions to Tennessee Williams' Cat On A Hot Tin Roof,
Two years ago, my husband and I decided our son should take piano lessons. We told him that if he didn't like them he could quit when he turned 13. Well, his 13th birthday is coming up, and I think he is leaning towards quitting. Should we force him to continue despite our agreement?
—Perplexed in Portsmouth
(As the curtain rises, someone is taking a shower in the bathroom, the door of which is half open. A pretty young woman, Margaret, with anxious lines in her face, enters the bedroom and crosses stage left towards the bathroom door. When she talks, it's as if the tone of her voice has the inflection of a beautiful bird, a lilting cadence that evokes a sense of innocence, but masks her true motivations. She speaks…)
Personally I take my own advice from O'Neill's....