Ahem

From The Onion.

Movies, theatre... same difference, right? So with that said...

AREA THROAT-CLEARER TO GO SEE [PLAY]

Carbondale, PA—Local throat-clearer Leon Pollack, 32, confirmed with reporters Tuesday that he planned to see the [Saturday matinee] of [The Seagull] at the [Walter Kerr Theater] "I'm really looking forward to this [show]," Pollack said while drinking a large glass of whole milk. "And afterwards, I'm thinking I might—hurrrm…hurrrrrrrm! Excuse me. I'm thinking I might go to the reading room at the library for a couple of hours." After downloading a new "La Cucaracha" ring tone for his cell phone, Pollack went to pick up two of his friends, an 87-year-old woman who doesn't follow plotlines well and a colicky 2-month-old.

I think we all know this guy, don't we.