The Playgoer: Last Word on Shakespeare Conspiracy Theories?

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Monday, November 21, 2011

Last Word on Shakespeare Conspiracy Theories?

"[H]ow could a man who had only a grammar-school education and spoke Latin and a little Greek possibly have written something as bad as All’s Well That Ends Well?"

-Eric Idle, satirically sticking it to the "Oxfordians" in a recent New Yorker.

He continues: "Queen Elizabeth, who was obviously a man, conspired to have Shakespeare named as the author of his plays....It was obviously an upper-class twit who wished to disguise his identity so that Vanessa Redgrave could get a job in her old age."


Sir Jenkins Bixelwick said...

You, sir, are a cad. Anyone with a sense of historical perspective knows that the ouevre of William Shakespeare's work was composed by Jack the Ripper.

Case closed.

You remain a cad. Sir.

Playgoer said...

Sir Jenkins, you should definitely give the keynote at the next Oxfordian Society Conference!

Sir Jenkins Bixelwick said...

Tonight, I will be giving a lecture in Oxford entitled: The Globe Theatre Hoax: How the World was Fooled by Illiterate Stratfordians.

At tonight's program, I will lay out -- in detail -- why the Globe Theatre never existed. Using evidence obtained by prominent archaeologists, I will definitively prove that the purported site of Shakespeare's theater, was, instead, a Neanderthal settlement. Carbon-14 dating on several soda cans found at the site substantiate, with 98% certainty, that Neanderthals, and only Neanderthals, inhabited the area where Shakespeare's plays were supposedly performed.

It is also well known that this tribe of Neanderthals still exist across the world, subsisting on their own spurious claims against Oxfordians.

If you do not attend tonight's lecture, not only will you be branded a coward, but your lies will be exposed for all to see.

You remain a cad. Sir.